The Wedding of Amin and Nafisa – Bangladesh

 

One of the most fascinating novels I've ever read was “The Buddha in the Attic”, written by Julie Otsuka in 2011. 

The novel tells, in the first person, the story of the thousands of young Japanese women, the so-called “brides in photography”, who – in the early twentieth century – embarked for America, to join and marry the Japanese whom had moved there to work.  

They met through the photographs that men sent to them and, full of dreams and hopes, they left their family and their land to start a new life. They will discover, as soon as they arrive, how much difference and deception there will be in those photographs that they held as the magic key that had transformed their simple existences.

 

As a photographer, that novel has always been important in understanding the power of images; especially if related to feelings and love.

It also happened to me many years ago, when I started photographing the Bangladeshi community in Rome, that I was asked to photograph some boys so that they would then print those photographs to send them to their families in Bangladesh. My portraits were their chance to find wives to bring here to Rome.

I was skeptical, but also impressed to see how excited those guys were to pose in front of me.

 

Why am I telling you about this story?

Because listening to Amin and Nafisa's story reminded me in part of all this.

I didn't know them, I just had to photograph their wedding. But the story of their love intrigued me.

Amin is a 32-year-old man, born in Old Dhaka, but arrived in Rome when he was still really young, to the point of having to learn his own culture. He feels Italian to all intents and purposes, and even knew little about the wedding ritual itself.

Nafisa is a 25-year-old girl, born in Rajshahi, the city located on the north bank of the Padma River, near the border between Bangladesh and India.

 

But how did they meet? It is no longer the time of the photographs of the Osaka novel, and even the idea of being photographed and sending the images in search of women to make people fall in love starts to sound “old style”, alas, anachronistic.

Now everything moves on the silicon, you can see it but you can't touch it.

In fact Amin, when I ask him how he met Nafisa, he replies that it was thanks to an application on the phone: “BangladeshiMatrimony”, a dating site on which it's possible to search for a soul mate.

Just upload some photographs, write a small biography, and set out in search of love.

It's not that easy.

It is true that having the family brokerage in arranged marriages is a heavy burden, and often causes more trouble instead of lasting happiness. But there is real evidence of those profiles of candidates.

Instead, as Nafisa tells me, on that site you have to be careful, most of the time people are fake. It's easy to describe yourself if you are to grab someone's interest.

She herself refused other proposals, from boys living in America as in Bangladesh, before accepting Amin.

And, beware, the first time Amin spoke to Nafisa on the site, it was actually her brother who interacted. Then when he realized that Amin was “real”, and with good intentions so he left their freedom and privacy.

Nafisa already lived in Milan, in the north of Italy, but she had returned to Bangladesh for eight months, because she wanted to study the Koran and Arabic.

In October they met on that site, and after a month they met for the first time in Rome. In three months they decided to get married.

She will now live here in Rome.

In the end I can't resist asking her how much the photographs were important in Amin's choice, and of course she replies that it's certainly not the aspect that is important but his words and character.

And it's nice to see them finally smile, release the tension after the officialization of the religious marriage act with the imam.

It's not easy to get married during this period.

The ceremonies must be with very few people.

Nafisa had only her brother and one relative with her. The family is far. Without friends.

But in the end, realizing that your dream has come true dissolves all tension. And even a few people can be happy.

Then now with the phones you can see in real time even between different countries.

That's why I liked starting with that photograph, of the two of them before they met, on the two corners of the street. Alone.

As a metaphor for their love story.

With the thought of young Japanese women, on ships, with photographs of their betrothed in their hands.

 

I wish you much happiness Amin and Nafisa.

For me it is always a great joy – as you Amin wrote to me, in the evening when everything was over.

 

“Thanks again for sharing the best day of our life with us.”

 

Good luck...

 

Torpignattara

ROME – 20 December, 2020

 

• The Bengali Wedding: Nadia and Sayeem – Part One 
• The Bengali Wedding: Madhobi & Haroon – Part Three 

Julie Otsuka: “The Buddha in the Attic” (2011)

 

Italian version