The Bengali Wedding: Nadia and Sayeem – Part One

 “Gaye Holud”. Torpignattara. ROME – 19 September 2020

Marriage is one of the most gorgeous events that can be witnessed in Bengali culture, understood as India and Bangladesh. 

Obviously the weddings that take place in Italy are condensed from those that are celebrated in the countries of origin. 

However, it is one of the ways of “keeping alive” one's tradition even in the countries of emigration.

It's said that in Bangladesh they can last even a week, involving entire villages, or at least hundreds of guests. 

The fundamental parts remain those of the Nikah ceremony (or the official and notarial registration in the mosque or in the presence of the imam, with the offer of the dowry in money by the bridegroom, the mahr), the Gaye Holud and the wedding reception.

I will tell you about two weddings I was invited to, for four days, to let you get to the heart of this tradition. 

However, it's not easy to understand this practice well, even for the variables that come into play. 

Because, first of all, these are weddings celebrated by people of Bengali culture, but in a context that is not theirs, therefore with inevitable restrictions related to the place and the economic aspect.

Furthermore, they are traditions that come from a mixture of Muslim and Hindu cultures that over time have become contaminated and contrasted, moreover they are marriages celebrated by young people who have often lived more years of their life in Italy than in their countries of origin.

The first marriage is that of Nadia and Sayeem, a girl from Rome and the boy who lives in Milan. 

Marriages in Bangladesh have long been arranged, and still remain the union of two families rather than two individuals. 

The “Ghotoks” is the one who combines marriage by presenting the bride's family in male candidates, whose basic requirement is that they have a job. But now the love marriages are a common reality, especially among the new generations.

Even if there have not been few, in these over ten years that I have attended and photographed the Bangladeshi community, the marriages took place at a distance, without the married couples having ever met before; sometimes the marriage even took place with the imam who celebrated it by telephone. 

I have photographed some boys here in Rome whose photos were then sent to the village to be used by the family to find the bride.

The marriage ritual we will see better in the Second Part.  

For now we stop at the first day which is that of Gaye Holud (Bengali: গায়ে হলুদ, preceded – in this case – by the mehendi ceremony, or the decoration with natural henna for the bride for the wedding. 

The latter is an all-female ritual, which took place in a park in Rome, which was also a way for the bride's family and friends to be together.

The mehendi tradition is also not so certain. Once, an observant Muslim Bangladeshi friend of mine confessed to me that he was opposed to this practice and in any case it was not Bengali Muslim culture, but rather belonging to the Indian Hindu tradition. 

But also an Indian friend of mine from West Bengali told me that mehendi is not used in their marriages. It looks more like a tradition of Arab culture, then brought into vogue by Bollywood cinema, so it is now a common trend in Indian weddings than in Bangladeshi ones.

Mehendi ceremony. Tor Tre Teste. ROME – 18 September 2020 

Certainly Gaye Holud (“yellow/turmeric on the body”) is one of the cornerstones of marriage, with turmeric used by relatives and friends on the skin of the face of the spouses in a propitiatory sense.

This practice has also changed over time. Originally it took place on the same day of the wedding, in the morning, with the alternation of the groom's family (without him present) visiting the bride's family and then vice versa, at the end of which the bride takes a bath.

But for practical reasons, over time it was preferred to do it in the days before the wedding: the first day with the bride as the protagonist, the second day the groom (in Hindu marriage this order is reversed).

Now, for obvious economic reasons, the two days have been merged into a single day of celebration.

Usually the parents of the couple are the first to start coloring the face with turmeric with their fingers or, as in this case, with a poetic yellow daisy. 

Even the dresses are all strictly in yellow, for all those invited to the ceremony.

The country of origin also offers rohu, a big carp fish caught in the rivers of South Asia. The offering of fish was an important part of the ritual, and could only be cooked by five married women called “Eyo-stree”. Here it is not used.

This is Nadia and Sayeem's Gaye Holud.

“Gaye Holud”. Torpignattara. ROME – 19 September 2020

READ ALSO:

• Annaprashan Riyanshi Ghosh 
• Jhulan Purnima Puja 

Italian version