The Bengali Wedding: Nadia and Sayeem – Part Two

“Wedding Reception”. Centocelle ROME – 20 September 2020

We arrived at the wedding reception, the most gorgeous day in terms of economic spending and clothing.

We have seen how in marriages the consent of families is fundamental, especially of the elderly, only then can the consent be formalized with the ceremony called “Dehka-dekhi” which sounds like “let's see!” It is a very important moment, in which the two families of the spouses meet in one of the two houses, often in the presence of the imam, and if the offer of the dowry is considered valid, the documents are signed and the wedding day is decided.

Only then is the tension dissolved and the family can celebrate with sweets and Paan-Chini, or betel leaves and araca nuts.

The reception is usually organized by the bride's family and the groom, with his retinue of family and friends (Borjatri), arrives late in the evening. Before reaching the wedding venue, the groom asks his mother for permission to start a new life, and usually it’s the mother who accompanies him.

The reception, in the country of origin, is called “Preetibhoj” and is usually done outdoors, to introduce the bride to society.

 

It must be said that it's really difficult to orient oneself in this maze of rituals and names, in three days, bouncing from India to Bangladesh and between Hinduism and Islam; and often incorrect information is also found on major news sites. The example of Bou Bhaat is worthy of note, which is often written as Bou Bath, suggesting the “wife's bath” (bou in Bangla is wife), while the correct diction is Bou Bhaat, or “wife's rice”.

This very important rite has some differences in the two versions of Hindu-Muslim weddings: essentially, it's the rice that the wife cooks, for the first time, for the groom and his family, at home, after marriage.

In Hindu marriage Bou Bhaat takes place on the third day, during the day, when the wife cooks rice for her husband's family, and he gives her a saree and a plate of food asking her to take care of him for all life - “Bhaat Kapor”.

 

Hindu marriage is not that different from the Islamic one, except for the religious part, of course. But a big difference is that, although it is also celebrated in three days, all the main rites take place in a single day: the first, with the Gaye Holud in the day and the wedding in the evening.

On the second day, Basi Beeye is celebrated and the wife leaves her home to live in her husband's family home. There are also funny legends on the wedding night, like that of the Phool Shojja, which is the “bed adorned with flowers”. It is said that on their wedding night the newlyweds cannot have sexual relations (“Kaal Ratri”), so in their room there are the friends of the groom, even under his bed, to keep watch with him over the presence of the demons that would make their unfortunate and cursed married life – but this seems to be a joke to entertain young people.

The third day is Bou Bhaat and in the evening, finally the reception.

One of the most exciting rituals in particular, after marriage, is the Bidaay, or the moment of joy and sadness in which the bride says goodbye to her family. The bride must throw rice into her mother's saree to compensate for the responsibility the mother has had for her and which, from now on, will be borne by her husband.

 

This is, in short, the wedding and now I leave you with some photographs of Nadia and Sayeem's wedding reception.

 

 

One last thing, basically the color of the bride's dress is red, linked to the new birth, as well as for the New Year's celebration (Poela Boishakh), but now other trends are followed and it is no longer a certainty.

In the next - and last - article we will look at the Islamic Nikah in another wedding.

 

Centocelle. ROME – 20 September 2020 

READ ALSO:

• The Bengali Wedding: Nadia and Sayeem – Part One 
• Ten Steps Back

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